Anger is often seen as “black or white” and is very tabooed, and yet it dominates and controls in many different ways and in many different disguises.
ANGER CAN BE DIRECTED INWARD as self-blame and guilt, and it may cause a variety of ailments, and it may happen quite unnoticed.
ANGER DIRECTED OUTWARD presents itself in many different ways. The most evident forms are violence and verbal threats. The more subtle form of anger which is perhaps more common is grumbles. It may derive from the more powerful act " to scold". In old Danish this expression means “to set boundaries”, and it is basically what happens when anger is expressed in one way or another. Boundaries are set and we separate ourselves from the other, who is s exposed to the anger. The anger can be experienced as an attack, and it is naturally to protect ourselves, our own integrity and even physically.
The anger may in this understanding be a defence mechanism, also in the opposite direction. No matter where it started, it may create a “counter attack”. It can easily create war and pain.
ANGER HAS MANY DIFFERENT FORMS AND DISGUISES. The anger can be quite subtle through projections of emotions, attitudes and convictions we cannot contain ourselves for many good reasons.
Behind anger is often sorrow and a feeling of disconnectedness of not being understood.
It may also show itself from “out of the side legs”, and is often just as painful for those who are experiencing anger, as it is for the one who projects. It is quite exhausting to remain in company with anger regardless of the form. It may lead to separation and loneliness and worst of all war.
Maybe anger is about setting boundaries, without infringing others' boundaries, and without using anger in the way we usually do.
ANGER CAN BE TRANSFORMED INTO POWER: into powerful messages, into powerful activities, into powerful being. All, which there are so much, need of in a relationship, in a family, in a community in a world to make it all work and interact, without violating each other's boundaries.Also we should learn to appreciate power without getting anxious, jealous or what so ever.
WE ALL HAVE ACCESS TO THIS POWER, when we withdraw our projections and anger. This means when we cease to project our judgments about what is right or wrong, good or bad all around the world. We must begin to examine why we cannot contain these statements. And perhaps express our own needs. Anyway we can still put a limit to others projections, simply by expressing. "I understand it in a different way...". In respecting and listening to each other’s perspective, we may realise, that there are always two sides of the same coin, or simply an edge. In this way many wars may subside, and a common power may raise in another powerful way. If we don’t succeed in this way we may always withdraw in one way or another. It is a natural and very powerful act. The projector has no longer a receiver, an audience, and has to carry the projections and frustrations themselves. Therefore, we can always meet each other again around another "coin" or even the same but more distinct "coin", which started the borderline statements and actions, but with a different approach.
In this way anger may subside without any external wars, and provide reflexions and raise the power by respecting and acknowledging our own sensations and the others.
The more we know our self, our strengths and weaknesses, and acknowledge them the stronger the power. The power disappears through the outward directed anger, through projections and fights, and the power disappears, when the anger is directed inward as self-blame and guilt and different self-harming actions. To gain access to the power we must open our heart, that is having compassion for each other and our selves, for the difficulties and beauty in our personality, visible as invisible. In other words: "The heart in the head and the head in the heart"
THERE ARE MANY OTHER WAYS TO BEAK THE ANGER such as self-ironic laughter and loving physical contact, which brings lightness and dissolve the shame, which often follows by the release of anger.
Anger and projections are very powerful bonding, but it binds us together in a non-constructive and loveless way.
Here is one brief and sweet story from real life: "A young bike courier was in tremendously hurry, and rode in haste on the sidewalk close to an old lady, who was obviously frightened. Nothing happened, but the woman was naturally upset and in her frustrations she contacted the company of bike couriers and the press. Both were invited into the studio and many listeners were waiting to follow the “verbal war", which was expected to appear between the young man and the old Lady. Then a very powerful moment of a powerful act happened: the young man simply said “ I'm sorry " and "I did not know I was harming you " and " my action was not ok". There was complete silence, and no reason for further "public wars". His power “deflated the balloon”. The young man was in power as the apology came from his heart. If there should be any more anger left after such an act, it is no longer caused by the situation, but by ourselves, our old stories.
ANGER HAS ALWAYS AT LEAST TWO LOSERS. Anger cannot win and be fought on behalf of others or from distance. It can be transformed in the moment into a powerful boundary. It begins in ourselves through inner peace, and from there arises outer peace.
ANGER IS NOT TO BE IGNORED OR SUPPRESSED, it must be seen, understood and transformed into the power that binds us together and which has much in common with the power of love.
This is written from experiences with my own anger, and the anger I meet.